Igniting the Fire
by Aiyanna Moon
Summary: Katniss and Peeta slowly reconnect after Mockingjay.  My take on the epilogue with lots of Lemons!
1. Chapter 1

**My first fanfic ever-multiple chapters and juicy lemons coming!**

**Set after _Mockingjay_ but pre-epilogue.**

She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him planting the primrose bushes. She didn't know what to think. She had avoided thinking for so long the act of seeing him seemed tedious.

He glanced up at her as she looked at him and offered her an expression that wasn't quite a smile.

"I thought she might like this," and he quietly went back to his task.

She continued to mutely watch his strong arms wield the shovel in a repetitive motion. He looked as healthy as she supposed someone could coming out of the mess they had. He was thin but certainly not as thin as she had seen him before. His hair was hanging into his eyes and she could see some of the scars marked my mismatched skin over the parts of him that were uncovered.

He was surreptitiously watching her below his eyelashes. He had always hoped they would be reunited in some alternative universe where the Games and the Capital and the carnage didn't exist anymore. Where they were free to be together, without horrible and pretend memories. He had held onto that small hope for so long it defined a part of him. Now that he was here he was afraid that everything had been too much. He knew he felt like a different person but knew it wasn't just from the hijacking. Katniss must feel it too. He knew he felt something for her but emotions were still sometimes hard for him to sort through. He had been madly in love with her once but wondered if she could ever return his love now, if she couldn't back then. They had been through so much together and yet apart.

He observed her thin frame and the rumpled clothes that completely covered her but didn't conceal the bones poking through in some places. Her hair was a matted mess that looked like it had once been in a braid. It had grown out since he had seen her so many months ago but because of the fire was still shorter than she normally wore it. Her grey eyes looked haunted like she couldn't decide what to think. He turned his full attention back to the task at hand and made a decision. He would pick up the pieces of his life by doing what he had been doing his whole life—by helping her survive. If along the way he found himself again he would consider that a bonus. If she thought about him romantically in the future…but that was too hard to contemplate.

As he made his silent decision she seemed to be overcome with whatever emotions she was feeling and she ran back inside.

More like stumbled back inside—her limbs were sluggish from months of misuse. She felt lost. He was back but his presence made her feel and hurt all over again. She couldn't decide what to do so curled into the fetal position in her bedroom and tried to escape her head.

The next day she heard a light tap on the door and then footsteps downstairs. The smell of fresh bread was strong and she knew who it was. She hadn't moved from her fetal position for hours and felt stiff and sore. She almost considered grimacing at the disheveled state she was in but decided she didn't care.

Avoiding confrontation, she waited until she couldn't hear footsteps anymore and decided to creep down the stairs. As she rounded the last step she saw him. _Stupid, stupid_ she rebuked herself. She hadn't heard the door close and he hadn't left. The old her would have realized that. The broken and fragmented her hadn't even registered it.

He trapped her with his cerulean gaze and she tried to break away. Through her haze she realized his eyes were more like she remembered before the hijacking. The kind eyes of the boy with the bread. Not the crazed eyes that wanted to kill her after he was rescued. Not the tortured eyes that followed her on her mission to kill Snow.

"I brought breakfast if you want to share."

She stayed silent.

He lamely offered, "I just wanted to make sure you knew that it was here."

She stared at him blinking slowly.

He realized she looked even worse than she did before when he had seen her yesterday.

In her silence he took the opportunity to stutter through more of an explanation.

"Y-you look a little thin."

She lied without even thinking about it. "I'm fine." He looked pained at her blatant untruth.

"Eat breakfast with me? For me?" He knew or at least hoped she couldn't refuse him.

She silently sat down at the table as if at war with herself.

He broke the bread apart and slathered it with the butter he had brought offering her half. She took it without really looking at it or him. He silently studied her.

She nibbled at a few bites and he hoped that Greasy Sae had was having better luck in feeding her, although by the looks of it she was succeeding only by a small margin. Knowing Katniss, he knew she would need time to re-adjust to his presence in 12. After a few moments of silence he got up and mumbled something about dinner and left.

He didn't know if he was strong enough to help her survive. He had only so much will left, and had his own demons to live with. He was hurt she was so closed off but he understood. She hadn't been good with her feelings before. She was so passionate about those she loved she could barely function when they were hurt or died. To the outward person she was just angry and withdrawn. He knew she loved so much it hurt and it overwhelmed her. He didn't think she felt that way about him, but he still felt drawn to her. He reaffirmed his decision that by helping her he would help himself survive. The last few months were barely survival and pure hell as he tried to revisit memories and determine if they were real or not. Being away from the doctors made him feel better, even if it was just a fleeting feeling.

She was still sitting at the table after he had left. Why was he here? Why did he care? They shouldn't have survived. There was hardly anything left living for. She refused to reevaluate how she felt about him. She could barely think his name. Peeta. Good, kinda Peeta that the Capital had tried to destroy. Because of her. He said he had loved her once. She knew he could never feel that way again, but that was good because she wasn't worth loving. Ever. She hazily remembered a conversation between Gale and Peeta. Both knew she was unfeeling and parasitic. Choosing who she couldn't survive without. She knew she could survive without Gale now. He had taken care of that. What about him? Peeta. She had been surviving for months without him. _No_, a small voice nagged. You aren't surviving. You are pretending to live. Overcome with this thought too big to think, she swayed to the couch to crawl up into a ball again.

At dinner time Greasy Sae came over and cooked and cleaned. He showed up and Sae invited him for dinner. He was polite to Sae and Katniss barely ate again. They both gave her worried looks but she didn't care.

This routine continued for a few weeks. Peeta had taken over for Greasy Sae at breakfast and brought her bread and pastries but Sae still did dinner. She took a shower and changed clothes when Greasy Sae brusquely told her to a few times a week. She still tried to avoid herself during the days because she knew she couldn't escape at night. Peeta made attempts that conversation every day and she barely answered or acknowledged him. Inside she was scared because each day she felt a tiny glimmer of hope that she didn't deserve. For weeks he continued their routine.

One cold winter morning he didn't come. She didn't care. But she did. She was alone, he had given up. The little sanity she thought she was regaining fled in a burst of frigid air, just like the one that hit her when she opened the back door and ran. She was so out of shape and undernourished but she stumbled on. She had on the wrong clothes for the middle of winter in the snow. She had no idea where she was going or why she was running. _NO_, shouted a voice in her head. _You do know. He gave up! You deserve to die. Stop making others miserable._

Peeta had overslept. His nightmares had been worse than normal and he fell into a deep exhausted sleep early in the morning. When he woke up he realized it was way past the time he normally woke up to make her breakfast. He quickly got dressed and ran over to her house. It was cold, but it was close and he didn't bother with a coat. When he got there Greasy Sae was just coming up the path. They walked in together and there was no sign of her. Katniss. As quickly as he could hobble he raced around the house looking for her. Sae hadn't seen her and said she hadn't left the house before in the entire time she had been here. Her coat was still hanging by the front door.

He felt a panic similar to when he was hijacked and didn't know what to believe. A panic every time they went into the games, or the Capitol interfered in their lives. A panic that he couldn't protect Katniss. He rushed out the door to the area behind Victor's Village, eyes frantically searching. He ran around town looking in alleyways and small spaces she could have squeezed into. He asked if anyone had seen her and they looked at him with concerned faces. No one had seen her since she had arrived months before. As the temperature dropped he began to feel the cold seeping in. He could think of only one other place she would be—the woods. He felt like someone was squeezing his chest and making him light headed. If she was hiding in the woods he would never find her. She was a lithe hunter and he was a clomping baker. He ran to the hole in the fence and slipped through. He started yelling her name because he had no idea where to start looking. This was her and Gale's domain, not his. He decided to walk along the perimeter of the forest to see if he could see any sign of the path she took. It had lightly started snowing and he knew if he was cold in just his sweater, she was bound to be freezing.

She had stopped her pathetic running when she ran out of steam shortly after she crossed under the fence. The cold had numbed her and she liked it. Numb was good. Numb meant she couldn't feel. She tripped over to one of her favorite paths into the woods and laid down in the snow by a log a few trees in. She wanted to cry but didn't deserve the tears. And it was getting so cold.

He saw a flash of something laying by a log a few trees in. Peeta called to her but heard no response. He rushed over to find her shivering on the ground, covered in a light layer of snow. She didn't seem to register him. He shook her and when she made no move to take any action he scooped her up into his arms. He wasn't in training shape but she was so tiny and frail in his arms. He held her close and tried to share some of the remaining body heat he had. He thought of the cave, and knew the memory was real.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, thank you for reading, adding this story to your alert updates and reviewing! I had no idea the response would be so positive! Thank you! : ) **

As quick as he could Peeta headed back to her house. Her eyes were closed and she was huddled to his chest. He hoped there was no damage from her exposure. As he jogged up the path to her house he saw Greasy Sae had left a fire for them. At least it would be warm inside. He carried her through the door and laid her by the fire on the closest couch. Her clothes were damp from the snow and she was shivering violently. He knew she needed to get out of her clothes, warm up in the shower, and eat something warm in front of the fire. He prayed this is all she would need. His decision made, he turned towards her. She finally seemed to be aware that he was with her.

"W-what are you d-doing here?" she chattered out.

"Why were you laying in the snow without a coat?"

She had no answer but more chattering teeth.

"You need to get your clothes off and try to warm up in the shower."

She didn't move so he picked her up again and walked upstairs to the bathroom.

He set her down on the toilet and turned the water on hot. The room started to steam up and Peeta looked down at Katniss.

"Do you, uh, need help?" he looked at her inquisitively.

As she started to warm up she was thawing out physically and emotionally. She was just so tired.

A quiet "no" escaped her lips but she made no effort to move.

He debated his next action. They had seen each other in less, but somehow the intimate location in the bathroom seemed different. But she really needed to get out of her wet clothes and warm up. He knew she was modest though and an image flashed to his mind when she first found him concealed in the games. She had refused to look at him naked and had gotten all red faced. He bent down and took off her boots.

"How about I turn around and wait while you shower?" he suggested. "That way if you need anything I will be right here."

A small nod was all he got.

She was so, so cold and the warmth of the shower was fogging up the air around her and the shower was beckoning. She knew it was illogical but she didn't want him to leave. She definitely didn't want him to see her pathetic and scarred body though. Not that he would care, or even be affected by it but she didn't want to be stripped bare in front of him. Her clothes were a barrier.

Shakily she stripped down to her underwear and stepped into the shower. Once inside the protection of the frosted glass she pulled off her underwear as well. The shower felt scalding on her frozen skin but she welcomed the physical pain. The mental pain of thinking Peeta had left her was too difficult to bear right now and she relished the painful water. Still trembling she washed her body and her ragged hair. As she finished rinsing she realized she hadn't brought any clothes into the bathroom because he had carried her.

She tried to get her voice to work loud enough to be heard.

"C-can you get me some clothes?"

Peeta walked over to her dresser and grabbed a warm looking pair of sweatpants, a tank top and a sweater. Trying not to pry he quickly looked for a pair of underwear. He finally found some plain panties in a drawer. Heading back to the shower he could partially see her outline through the steam and frosted glass. Although he couldn't make anything out, he knew she was beautiful. If he weren't almost as cold as she was he might have taken a second look but he wanted to take a shower, and he couldn't while she was in there. He threw a towel up over the side of the shower stall and hung her clothes on the towel rack.

"Katniss? I'm going to go sit in the bedroom until you are dressed. Let me know when you are done."

She had a quick moment of panic before a part of her brain remembered he was being a gentleman. She grabbed the towel and wrapped it around herself like a cocoon. As she stepped out she was glad the mirror was fogged. She hated mirrors, hated seeing the unknown person staring back at her through the glass. As quick as her cold and weak body could, she put on the clothes Peeta had put out. Hair still dripping she walked into her bedroom. He looked wet and miserable, and she realized how stupid she was for running off in the snow. He was suffering again because of her. Did she know no bounds when it came to hurting him?

"I grabbed some pajama pants from one of your drawers, I hope you don't mind" he called over his shoulder as he stepped into the bathroom. She watched his back as he took his shirt off but then looked down in her lap when he started on the rest. She didn't think she deserved to look at him. She heard the shower start up again and him step into it. He was quick, and the whole time she just sat on her bed, hair dripping all over the place. When he came out of the bathroom she realized she had been partially holding her breath waiting for him to return. Waiting for him to get close to her again. She was starved for human contact and could barely bear it.

"Um, sorry about the lack of a shirt. I couldn't find anything big enough." She watched him walk towards her in the pajama bottoms bare chested. "Lets go down to the fire and warm up. We can dry your hair faster down there."

She didn't realize her hair was still dripping in a knotted mess. Peeta grabbed a comb and pulled Katniss downstairs to the fire. He gently led her to the sofa closest to the fire and put a blanket around her shoulders. He sat behind her and picked up the comb and methodically started untangling her snarled hair. She remained motionless and silent, thinking about how when she was little her mother would comb her hair out by the fire. With Peeta it seemed like such an intimate gesture, even if it was just her damaged hair.

As he started to finish the detangling he found himself going slower and re-combing hair he had already been through. Katniss had finally stopped shivering, and she seemed to like the combing. He had never told her, but he had always had a thing for her hair. He liked the long braids she had worn the first day he saw her when she was five, and he liked the single long braid she had worn when she was older. He had seen it down for the first time during their training and interviews for the first Games and was even more enraptured. It looked so silky and soft and feminine. And now he was combing it out. Or what was left of it. Much of the length had burned off in the fire that had erupted after the bombing of the children in the Capitol. It had been quite a few months though and it was growing back, some of it touching mid-way down her shoulders. It was all jagged though as if no one had thought to fix it past cutting out the burned parts. It didn't matter. He still liked it.

Feeling drowsy by the fire, exhausted by the cold, and comfortable being surrounded by Peeta the stylist, Katniss felt something she hadn't felt in months. It wasn't hope, but it was the thought that maybe she could survive, or live or at least pretend as long as he was here with her.

Without saying anything Peeta finally put aside the comb and leaned back into the couch. He tugged just a bit on her blanket and she slowly fell back into his arms. He didn't know if she would allow him to hold her, and she didn't know what she wanted but she was so tired and his arms felt so warm.

Slowly they drifted off to sleep in front of the fire, silent but for the thoughts in their heads.

As Peeta slowly woke up many hours later he felt better than he had in days. He was warm and felt almost at peace. The events of the previous day came rushing to the front of his mind and he looked down to see Katniss wrapped up in a blanket, between his legs laying on his chest. The fire had burned down to embers and the first weak rays of light were coming through the window. He took a moment to just try to remember this feeling. It was the closest he had felt to her since the hijacking, and though his memories were still confusing at times, the ones of her were starting to become clearer. She had never loved him but she did care. He knew she cared even if she wouldn't admit it. Why had she run away yesterday? Was she suicidal? After all they had been through it didn't seem like her, but what other explanation?

Katniss slowly woke up and realized she couldn't remember any nightmares. It was impossible. She always had nightmares. Except some of those nights on the train with him, which felt so very long ago. She realized she was wrapped in a blanket and cuddled against something warm. Him. She remembered now. She thought he had left her and she tried to run away from the hurt. All she did was almost freeze them both to death. She hated herself but selfishly hung onto the last remnants of the contented feeling she had when she woke up.

Eventually Peeta started stroking the top of her hair.

"Katniss" is all he softly murmured for many moments. Eventually, "What were you doing out there?" She said nothing. Nothing seemed adequate to explain how she felt.

"I was worried sick about you. I ran all over the village looking for you," Peeta said with a slight hint of admonishment in his tone.

When he thought she was never answer he finally heard in a small voice, "You didn't come for breakfast."

"So you ran to the woods?" He was having trouble understanding her logic.

"I thought you weren't ever coming over again."

Sighing he rubbed his hand over his face. "I had a bad night and overslept."

Guilt and self-loathing rose up in her. _He had overslept because he was having nightmares, possibly worse than hers, and all she had thought about was herself_. _That he had given up on her_. That wasn't his style and she knew it.

She didn't know what to say.

"Katniss" Peeta breathed. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to go away ok?" _Until you push me away_ he thought. _And even then, I'll probably stay around like a fool, hoping you will change your mind_.

She was still at a loss for words so snuggled deeper into his arms. She knew he cared for her, most likely didn't love her anymore but she relished the human contact. She hoped her embrace expressed her gratitude. She would never stop owing him.

Later Peeta excused himself to the bathroom, stoked the fire, and heated up some of the food Greasy Sae had made the day before. He and Katniss spent a quiet day together, never far from each other. That evening Sae came again to make dinner but left shortly after preparing it. After they ate Peeta got up and headed towards the door. They had found him a too-tight thin shirt amongst Katniss' clothes, but nothing else would fit on his frame. She was just so tiny.

Her eyes looked up at him in panic again.

"I promise I'll be here for breakfast tomorrow."

So quietly he thought he hadn't heard it—

"Stay?"

He looked at her pleading and broken face. Of course he would stay if she wanted that. He would always try to make her as comfortable as possible.

"Ok. I have to go get some clothes that fit though. All of your stuff is too small."

For a moment he envisioned her in his clothes, clothes that would swamp her petite frame. He realized he liked the idea.

He walked to his house as fast as he could. He grabbed a few sets of clothing and his coat.

When he got back to her house he realized she hadn't moved from the spot he left her in.

"Hey" he softly intoned. "I'm back."

She still seemed to be lost in her thoughts and so he scooped her up into his arms again and walked upstairs to her room. He gently laid her on the bed and tucked the covers in and around her. He smiled at her.

"I'll be on the couch if you need anything," and he lightly kissed her forehead.

She met his eyes finally and grabbed his hand in hers. She tugged on it until he was sitting on the bed.

"Stay with me."

He knew there was nothing sexual about her request—she wanted to cuddle as they had before and keep the demons at bay.

He slipped into the covers with her and held her close until her breathing evened out and she fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who is reading! This story is my first foray into this type of thing and I am so excited and motivated by responses! To my good friend who encouraged me to post in the first place-I love you! **

**P.S. Do not worry, lemons have already been written, just aren't broken into chapters yet. Don't want to lose anyone on account of the lack of juiciness so far! ; )**

Their routine continued over the next few months. They slept together every night, and he always gave her a goodnight kiss on the forehead or cheek. He knew he was falling in love with her all over again. This spirited, broken girl that lived with him but was slowly re-emerging. He baked in the mornings, and helped out in town during the afternoons. District 12 was rebuilding and although it pained him at times to clear away the rubble, he found great satisfaction in building back their town. He had asked not to be in charge of anything, but to just be allowed to assist and learn in the physical building. The hard work left him tired, and at the end of the day when he was tired and holding Katniss he found sleep easier to find.

She felt better with his presence nearby her. Slowly, she felt herself get immersed in their routine and found things easier to bear. She found more pleasure in eating, especially when he cooked, which was more and more frequent as Greasy Sae started to taper off her help. She went to Haymitch's house a few times a week to drop off food and make sure he was still breathing. She ventured into the woods a few times, taking only a few animals down, but giving them to Peeta to cook with or distribute to families rebuilding in the district. She kept to herself mostly, only making real conversation with Peeta. It still hurt to think about most of her past, but she didn't feel the gut wrenching despair nearly as often now.

She also realized she was staring more and more at him. She could sit for hours watching his nimble hands and capable arms bake bread. Sometimes she snuck into town and watched him help rebuild the town. He was getting healthier, and the physical work was making his muscles bulge under his clothing. He had never been a small boy, but now he looked much more like a man. One day on her way into town to watch him she realized he had taken a detour and was chopping wood in a yard. She barely recognized the woman, but when she thought of it she realized she had lost her husband shortly before the decimation of 12 in a mining accident. She had a few children, but none of them old enough to chop wood. Kind, kind Peeta was helping the woman out. He was always trying to make everything around him better. He was so good. Intrinsically so good that even the Capitol couldn't take it away from him.

As she watched him from the shadows of a barn she observed him. He was never supremely agile, especially with his prosthetic leg, but he had always had strength. He had been a great wrestler in school and school and his arms were built from hours of helping in his family's bakery. Now, older and a bit taller he was the epitome of strength. She watched as his muscular arms swung back with the axe and then swung down to chop the wood. She could see his thigh muscles straining against his pants and his chest flex through his shirt. He had put on so much muscle that his clothes didn't really fit anymore. Even though it was still relatively cool outside, the exertion was making him sweat, causing his shirt to stick to him. His hair was haphazardly pushed to the side curling a bit with dampness. As he swung the axe again and again she could see how much he enjoyed the simple act. He looked like she used to feel when she was breathing deeply in the middle of woods, content for the moment.

She realized how handsome he was. _Peeta would make someone so very happy one day_ she thought. The ramifications of this statement slammed into her so hard she felt it was hard to breathe. _One day he will meet someone and leave; will want to move on with someone who isn't broken. Someone who isn't a scarred mess like you_. She collapsed onto the ground, frightened by her thoughts. Eventually Peeta finished, talked to the widow for a few minutes, and headed into town. She had no idea how long she was crouched there, but eventually ran back home and curled up into a ball.

When he got home that night Peeta couldn't find Katniss and she usually waited for him to come home. As he walked up to what he now considered "their" bedroom to shower he saw her curled into the fetal position on the bed, eyes squeezed shut.

"Hey," he said softly, slightly panicking at her condition. "What happened? Katniss?"

She just huddled into herself tighter. He did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into his arms so that she was half laying in his lap.

"No!" she feebly protested. "No, no." She knew she needed to get away from him, it would only hurt more in the end. He ignored her and held her tighter against him. Enveloped in her scent it became too much for her and she started to cry. Sobbed, for the first time since she had been back in District 12. She cried for Prim and Finnick, cried for all the lives and friendships lost in the war. She cried for the shell of the person she had become, and for the love she had once had from Peeta. She cried for the life with Peeta she would never have. Great wracking sobs lasted until she was so exhausted all she could do was silently cry with tears running down her face. Through all of this Peeta stroked her hair and back, mumbling unintelligible comforts. He had known she would probably break down and cry at some point but it still broke his heart. He didn't know what had triggered this and tried to comfort her as best he could. As she slowed down he rocked her slightly, his lips pushed into the top of her head. She smelled so good. Like open air and the fresh scents of the woods. He could get lost in her scent. As she stopped trembling he cupped her face in his hands and brushed light kisses on her forehead and cheeks. He eyes were still closed and he wiped away the tears under them with his thumbs and kissed her eyelids.

She knew it would hurt more later but she wanted his kisses, even if they meant nothing to him and were out of pity.

He knew this wasn't the right time for it, but Peeta couldn't resist. He lightly touched his lips to hers, their first real kiss since they were part of a master rebel plan. He was surprised when she lightly kissed him back. The only time he had truly felt her kiss him back was on the beach during the second games. Taking a chance, he deepened their kiss as his passion came boiling to the surface. She returned his kiss with equal fervor, clutching at his shirt. She felt his tongue dart out and caress her lips and she parted them to give him access.

He was in heaven. Her taste was so uniquely her and he felt himself become breathless as their tongues danced a shy dance with each other.

His hands slipped slowly to the hem of her shirt and he caressed the bare skin right underneath the hem at her lower back.

Suddenly she violently pulled away and looked at him with wild eyes. He immediately felt regret at pushing her and taking advantage of her distress to console her with kissing. She saw his face turn from something couldn't describe to one frustration and disgust. He must had remembered where they were, who she was and she knew she disgusted him. She disgusted herself.

"I-I'm fine now," she stammered out. "You don't have to pretend to, you know, like me anymore." She looked down as she said this.

He felt miserable. He had taken advantage of her, of the friendship they had been rebuilding over the last few months. She had never felt romantically for him and he shouldn't have let himself lose control with her.

"I'm sorry," he choked out.

She had to get out of the same room from him before she saw any more disgust on his face or lost the war with herself and ran back into his arms to pretend he was hers.

"I'll go start dinner," she murmured and left the bedroom.

He rubbed his hands over his face and cursed himself for being so unfeeling. She had been hurting and he had tried to move their friendship to something romantic. When was he going to learn she didn't feel that way about him?

They went back to their routine but something was off about their interactions together after that evening. Their relationship felt strained, and neither one knew what to do.

The nightmares were less frequent, but they still slept in each other's arms to keep them at bay. It was torture for him to keep her body sleeping next to him night after night. He was falling so hard for her, but was trying to avoid making their awkwardness worse.

Worst of all his body kept betraying him. As she snuggled into his arms each night, he tried to put space between his groin and her butt. He didn't want to embarrass himself, or worse, make her uncomfortable.

Katniss knew that some nights he pulled away but she didn't know why. It made her heart feel like it was shattering into a million pieces all over again. Was he just too repulsed sometimes?


	4. Chapter 4

**Hope everyone likes : ) I know I sound like a broken record, but thank you again for all of the reviews, fav stories and alerts. I can't believe how many people are reading! It really motivates me to post more chapters : )**

One afternoon as Peeta got ready to go into town Katniss asked him if he could find her a pair of scissors. He was immediately nervous. _Did she want to hurt herself? No_, he told himself. She could have done that long ago with a knife. He tried to appear nonchalant as he asked her why she wanted scissors.

He jokingly asked, "Is this your way of telling me I need a haircut?" He knew his hair was way overdue but hadn't paid it much attention lately.

She looked surprised and replied. "No. I was going to cut mine and thought using scissors would be easier than a knife."

He was immediately put at ease that she didn't want to hurt herself but then he realized she wanted to cut _her_ hair.

With a surprised face he looked at her. "What? Why?"

She looked confused. "I told you, scissors will be easier. Nevermind, I can use a knife."

"No, I wanted to know why you wanted to cut your hair."

She furrowed her brow. "Because it is uneven and takes time to take care of. No one cares what it looks like and the only people who see me are you and Haymitch."

He looked at her with a pained expression. "I like your hair."

She snorted. "It's ok, you don't have to try to make me feel better. Just see if you can find the scissors please."

"Ok, wait until I get home and so you don't hurt yourself with a knife." He knew it was stupid to say because she was better with a knife than him but he didn't want to come home to her with some sort of self-inflicted haircut. "I can help you."

"Whatever," and she waved him off.

When he returned home with the scissors later that night he realized that as vain as it was he loved her hair and wanted to be able to continue to sneakily nuzzle his nose in it every night.

After dinner she asked him about the scissors and he said he had found some. Before she could say anything else he offered, "I can help you even it up if you like."

She sat down on a stool in the kitchen with her back facing him. He slowly untied her braid and combed his fingers through her hair. "Do you have a brush?"

"Upstairs on the dresser." He walked upstairs and grabbed the brush. He pushed it through her silky strands. They were uneven but they were so soft. He studied her hair and realized that the various levels of her hair were only about two inches off and by just trimming up a few places the bottom would be mostly even. He slowly evened up her beautiful hair with as much precision as he could.

"Ok you're good."

"Are you sure? It didn't feel like you did anything," she said as she shook out her head.

"It really wasn't that bad. It was just slightly uneven."

"Oh. I thought you were just going to cut it all off to fix it."

"No. I really like it the way it is." Peeta swallowed, debating what to tell her next. "Your hair is beautiful," he breathed out quickly.

"Right," she snorted.

"It is," he argued. "I really, really like it. I'll cut it more if you really want me to but I like it like this."

She froze for a moment. "I guess this is fine then."

He breathed out a sigh of relief. He would still love her no matter what the length of her hair was but he really liked it long.

She was confused. Why did he care what her hair looked like? He had called her hair beautiful. _That doesn't mean anything_ she reminded herself. Beautiful hair wasn't the same as being beautiful. Not that she wanted to be, beautiful that is. She wasn't. But it was a nice wishful thought.

She made a move to braid her hair back.  
>"Wait," he asked. "Leave it down for awhile." He wasn't sure she would but he liked looking at it falling in waves around her face and back so it was worth a try.<p>

She looked at him with an expressionless face. "Ok, if you want me to."

He assured her he did.

Later that night when they climbed into bed he snuggled his nose into her flowing hair and felt contentment well up in him. He still struggled with hijacked memories and his Capital demons but it was getting better. She was getting better. They were doing it together. Even though she didn't love him back, he would be in her life as her friend as long as he could. If only he could get his traitorous body to stop reacting.

As Katniss settled into Peeta's arms to sleep she wiggled backwards to get a better position. She felt him stiffen and pull away from her slightly. She was mortified and hurt. He was not interested in being close to her tonight and she had tried to snuggle closer. With the little dignity she had left she scooted out of his arms to the end of the bed. She felt so many emotions, the chief being rejection and hurt. She had thought he had inhaled into her hair when they laid down but she must be projecting her feelings onto him.

Peeta was silently cursing himself on the other side of the bed. She was probably disgusted that he was so…ungentlemanly and crude with her.

"I'm sorry," he offered. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She didn't say anything for a while.

Finally, softly, "If you would prefer to sleep somewhere else that is fine."

_What?_ he thought. _She doesn't want to sleep together anymore?_

In an even tinier voice he heard her say, "I didn't mean to disgust you."

_WHAT?_ "Katniss?" he asked confusedly. "What are you talking about? You don't disgust me. At ALL."

She sounded like she was going to cry. "W-why did you jerk away from me? Are you having a relapse from the hijacking?"

The pieces were slowly starting to click into place for him. He could feel himself turning bright red and was thankful she was facing the other direction. How could he explain? Anything was better than her thinking she was disgusting. _The complete opposite_ he grumbled bitterly to himself.

"Katniss. I'm sorry…I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, and I just…" he trailed off. He could see her small shoulders stiffening. He was doing an awful job of explaining.

Hurriedly, "Yourwigglingwasmakingmehard." She could barely make out what he was saying. Something about her wiggling?

Clearing his throat Peeta tried again. "I can't help it sometimes when you are in my arms feeling so wonderful and smelling so good and my body reacts. I didn't want to make it awkward. I know you don't have romantic feelings for me and I don't want you to think I am forcing myself on you."

Even with Katniss' limited sexual knowledge, she finally understood what he was saying. He had gotten an erection. He was, in true Peeta fashion, trying to ensure she wasn't embarrassed. Wait, did that mean that he had feelings for her? Or his body just had urges? As she contemplated, Peeta gently turned her over to face him. He cupped her face in his large hands.

"You are never disgusting. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. I just didn't want you to think I was trying something. Taking advantage." His kind eyes pleadingly looked into hers.

She was at a loss for words again. He knew it was a risk but he took it and leaned in slowly, giving her time to pull back if she wanted. He brushed his lips against hers in a slow, sensual kiss.

_He thought she was beautiful? _She was confused. She was anything but beautiful, inside and out.

He pulled away from the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"Katniss," he said her name like a prayer. "I love you. I am not telling you because I expect you to reciprocate. But I can't help it or my body's reaction to you. I can remove myself if I think it will make you uncomfortable though."

"What if I like the reaction?" Grey eyes met deep blue.

"I-I," she stammered. "I'm falling for you…and it scares me."

He stared at her flabbergasted. He whispered, "you like me-like me—real or not real?"

"Real," she breathed out.

He brought her in for another kiss, still sensual but more demanding. It spread heat down her whole body and made her toes tingle. His hands moved from her face to her glorious hair and she brought her hands up to grasp at his shirt. They kissed for several more minutes until they were both breathless and panting.

"Come here," Peeta said turning her away from him and pulling her tightly against his chest. He was aroused but made no effort to conceal it now. Hopefully he had read what she was trying to say correctly. As their breathing evened out they both fell into a deep slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

**Short chapter, but it was the most natural break in the story. Hope you enjoy. I love the reviews!**

In the morning he woke up terrified that he had dreamed everything. Dreamed that Katniss had admitted to liking him and kissed him back. When she woke up she looked up at his face and smiled. He knew it wasn't a dream.

Over the next few weeks they settled back into their routine that was now interspersed with kisses. Sometimes they were chaste, sometimes sensual and slow, sometimes full of passion. When he pulled her tightly against him she could usually _feel_ him, but he never took anything further.

He was chopping wood in their backyard when she looked outside through the window. It was mid-spring and was a relatively warm day. She thought back to the last time she had watched him chop wood, and how much better she felt now. She didn't feel beautiful, but she liked that he liked her. She was selfish because she knew he could have any girl he wanted. He was the beautiful one. As she thought this she watched as he set his axe aside and stripped off his shirt. She was spellbound. She could see the muscles rippling across his back and broad shoulders. There were scars and some areas were made up of a patchwork of skin colors but it only enhanced his masculinity. _When had he gotten so handsome_? As he turned to pick up the axe she got a view of his front. His chest was so broad and defined—the rebuilding work was good for him. His chest was dusted with blonde hair that tapered down to his rippling abs. The same blonde hair made a trail down into his pants. _When had he turned into such a man?_ She felt her face heating up as she realized she was wishing he would take off his pants so she could see what was below. Flustered she turned from the window, confused with the feelings coursing through her.

Later that night as he started kissing her she pulled on the hem of his shirt in an upwards motion. He looked at her questioningly and then with a raised eyebrow and smirk, yanked the shirt off in one motion. Seeing his chest from the window was one thing but seeing it up close…

Katniss lightly moved her hand up to his collarbone and caressed the skin out to his shoulder. His muscles were so defined…he was just so…manly. Words were not adequate to describe his physique. She ran her fingers through his chest hair and down to his abs. They contracted under her hands. His skin was raised in some places from where it had burned, but she barely saw it through the muscles.

Peeta laid still while she touched his chest softly. It felt so good and wonderful. He almost couldn't believe she was caressing him.

She was still so…embarrassed with nakedness but knew he didn't care. "Can you sleep with your shirt off?"

"Sure."

The new routine now included Peeta's shirtless state for sleeping and he loved the blush that crept up her face every time he took his shirt off for bed.

He wanted her shirt off too, but he knew he needed to be patient with her. She had always been squeamish when it came to nudity.

One night their kissing escalated and he had his tongue in her mouth as he squeezed her hips. As he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth his hands inched under the hem of her shirt and caressed her soft stomach and hips. Recapturing her lips he slowly slid his hands up her ribs, massaging and caressing along the way. All of a sudden she stiffened.

"He stopped and looked into her eyes. Are you ok? What's wrong?"

She felt her eyes start to water. What was wrong with her? "I-I...don't touch me."

"What? We can go slower if you want," Peeta said trying to keep the disappointment from his face. He wasn't sure how much slower they could go but he would try.

"No. I mean. I don't want you to touch or see me." She turned her face away from his.

Peeta sat up to the side and propped himself up on one elbow. "What do you mean? Ever?" He was hurt. Was she waiting for someone else? Or she just didn't want a physical relationship with him.

"Yes," she said with trembling lips. His eyes softened. "Why Katniss?"

She turned her head away from him further, ashamed. He softly brought her chin up to face his eyes. "Katniss?"

She closed her eyes and tears ran down her face. She had never considered herself wrapped up in physical looks but in this moment she realized she had _some_ vanity.

Without opening her eyes she said, "I don't want you to see me." "Why? Are you waiting for someone else?"

_What?_ she thought. "No."

"Then what is it?"

In the tiniest voice possible, "I'm so ugly and scarred. I can't bear for you to see me and be disgusted. Please," she rushed out, "I don't want you to see." She curled up into the fetal position and tried to shut him out.

"Oh Katniss," Peeta said softly his heart breaking. "You are so beautiful. You could never disgust me. If you aren't ready to have a physical relationship, fine. But if you are holding back because you don't think I will think you are pretty…" He curled his body around the little ball she had made herself into. "You are so gorgeous, inside and out, and nothing will change my mind."

He could feel her tears silently running down her face.

"Hey," he crooned. "I have the same physical scars you do. You don't seem to mind them on me. Why would I mind them on you?"

_Because_ she morosely thought, _yours are hidden by sexy muscle and I'm so frail and scarred and nothing like a woman should look like. _She didn't even have curves to distract from the unappealing aspects of her physique. She had never cared much about how she looked before the games because she was focused on keeping her family alive and taking care of Prim. She had never dreamed of getting married or having a man.

"Katniss, your whatever you are worried about I still love. I love everything about you."

He whispered words of comfort into her ear until they both fell asleep.

When Katniss woke up she immediately felt ashamed at how she had acted, miserable because she was still embarrassed and scared to have Peeta see her, and guilty because she knew he was again taking the brunt of living with a broken person like her. Looking down at his peaceful sleeping form with a layer of stubble across his face she was again smacked in the face with how sexy he was. Putting her hand over her mouth so she wouldn't say anything she left him to go downstairs and start breakfast.

She couldn't resist walking into town later that day to watch him rebuild. As she crept into town as unassuming as she could she saw him talking to one of the newer residents into town. Katniss didn't know her name, but knew she had arrived with her dad and brother a few weeks before. Peeta's hand was touching her shoulder and then she said something and he laughed out loud. Katniss starred mutely at the pair. The girl was everything she wasn't. Tall and beautiful with pronounced curves hugged by a simple, yet beautiful dress. Long, straight blonde hair and blue eyes. Katniss had no curves, hardly wore dresses and was painfully aware of her inadequacies physically. And the girl had made Peeta laugh. She never made him laugh, she was always too serious_. This is what he wants. And I can never be her._

As the thoughts clouded her vision she knew she needed to try to let him go so he could be happy. He deserved to be happy after all that had happened to him. She needed to stop being selfish, and let him move on. It might kill her but she didn't care.


	6. Chapter 6

**Enjoy ; ) **

Later that night at dinner she tried to lightly bring it up.

"You know, we don't have to eat together every night. If you, you know wanted to eat somewhere else that would be fine." She couldn't look him in the eyes.

"What?" he asked startled. "Why would I eat somewhere else?" Then it hit him—she wanted him to leave her alone for dinner? Who would she eat with?

She tried to make him understand she didn't need him. "I can eat with Haymitch if you want to eat in town or go somewhere else at night."

He was hurt—he wanted to eat with her every night. Why would he want to eat in town? He barely knew anyone in town.

"Don't play around with me. Why are you pushing me to eat dinner somewhere else?" There was a long pause. "Katniss?"

In a small voice she said, "If you want to, you know, takeagirloutonadate," she rushed, "You don't have to worry about me."

Peeta was dumbfounded. He loved her—why couldn't she accept that. He didn't want to go on a date with someone else. He wanted to be with Katniss—even if it meant just as friends.

"I don't want to go on a date," he said angrily. "I want to be right here with you."

"What about the blonde girl?" Katniss accused. "You make a cute couple," she tried to say as offhandedly as possible but it just came out sounding like she was hurt.

"What blonde girl?" he looked confused. "I have no idea who you are talking about. I don't love anyone but you."

"I saw you with her today in town."

Peeta looked at her closely. "Were you spying on me?"

She looked away. Trying to keep the frustration out of his voice, "Her brother works with me on the rebuilding project. He went out for too many drinks last night and was miserable this morning with a hangover so she came to tell me he was going to skip the day."

"You were laughing."

"I know. She was telling me how she woke him up with a bell in his ear and how it served him right." Why couldn't Katniss accept that he loved her, and wanted only her? Had ever only wanted her. Didn't want some blonde girl in town.

Katniss just looked down at her plate. Had she been wrong? He was just being friendly Peeta? She still couldn't believe he would choose her when he could have so much more.

"Katniss. I couldn't love anyone else. I've loved you since I can remember. I only want you. Trust me, I've tired to want someone else," he added bitterly. "All I can ever think about is you. What do I have to do to prove it?" He was frustrated and hurt and wanted her to believe him. He had no idea how her image of herself could be so twisted. He had tried to be patient and kind. She was just sitting there, trying to process what he was telling her. Finally, something inside of him snapped. He suddenly stood up and yanked her out of her seat. She didn't even have time to react or duck away. Her eyes were wide and confused. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her, really kissed her. These weren't the kisses he had given her for the camera, these weren't the kisses from the beach, or the ones they shared before bed. This was an all-encompassing kiss that he poured his soul into. He pushed his body fully against hers and ground his hips against hers. He wanted her to _feel_ him, feel the reaction he always involuntarily had to her.

Katniss at first tried to push him away but she was no match for his strength or his harsh kiss. As she stopped protesting she realized she liked this rough kiss. It was making her feel alive, and desirable. Peeta was slightly out of control and that made her feel powerful and desirable but terrified her at the same time. She knew he would never hurt her but she felt out of her depth. She could feel his tongue mimicking the same motions his hips were as they pressed tightly against hers. By the time Peeta pulled slightly away they were both panting, and he rested his forehead against hers.

"Katniss," he breathed out. "You are the one I want, the one I love more than anything. You do this to me," and he grabbed her hand and put it on the prominent bulge in his pants. "Do you feel how hard I am? FOR YOU!" he panted. She could feel herself blushing a deep red as he placed her hand on his hardness. She didn't have much experience with naked men, but Peeta felt huge. She was again struck by how curious she was about this piece of him. Maybe she should have sneaked a peek during the first games.

"Let me know show you Katniss," Peeta said in a low whisper. "Let me make you feel good and show you how beautiful you are," he murmured in her ear. "Please let me."

He looked into her eyes and saw her hesitation but also lust. Lust for him.

His mind made up, he kissed her again as he lifted her into his arms. He was struck again at how tiny she was. He walked them up the stairs still carrying and kissing her. When he got to the bedroom he set her down in the middle of the bed and pulled his shirt over his head. He leaned back down and peppered her face with kisses. He started to slow down and moved to her neck. He wanted to worship her. Wanted her to know how much he adored her, how much she meant to him. He nibbled and licked along her neck and collarbone. Small moans and gasps escaped her and he took that as a good sign. He moved down to her waist and lifted her shirt up just a tiny bit and placed open mouth kisses on her warm stomach. She tensed up at first but he slowly kissed her into relaxing. He licked the soft skin of her stomach and then softly blew on it making her sigh. He raised her shirt up more and gave the same treatment to her ribs. He could see the areas where she had burn scars and paid them extra attention. She was so beautiful and soft. He made a move to raise her shirt higher, over her breasts. He looked into her eyes silently asking for permission. She gave the slightest nod of her head and he slowly pulled off her shirt, unveiling her to him.

He starred at her in open adoration. This was the most he had ever seen of her and she was so beautiful it hurt. He loved her so much.

She was thin, but her hips flared out perfectly. Her breasts were covered in a deep blue satin bra that he assumed Cinna had produced for her at some point. Her breasts weren't large but they were certainly proportionate to her frame and swelled out over the cups of her bra. The contrast of the navy blue and her delicate, pale skin set him on fire. He wondered what her nipples looked like. How could she think she was ugly?

While he was looking at her she became even more nervous and tried to cover herself with her arms. He was disappointed, she knew it. Her skin was like a patched up rag-doll, her breasts pathetically small.

He looked deep into her grey eyes. "Never cover yourself up in front of me. I want to see you. You are so beautiful." He looked so sincere and his eyes were so reverent that she wanted to believe him.

"You are crazy," she whispered.

"Let me touch you. Please," he almost begged.

He slowly removed her arms from trying to cover her up. He knew he had to take it slow. He hovered over her and began to kiss and nibble at her neck again. He slowly moved down to her collarbone and to the top of her chest. His kisses were soft and sensuous and were driving her wild. His hands caressed her waist while he kissed her.

She had never felt so…turned on? Yes, she was aroused, and her body felt like it was on fire. Not the fire that had ravaged her skin. A different type of fire, like the hunger she had felt on the beach but a thousand times stronger. Peeta was slowly working his way down her body, but for the most part was avoiding her breasts that were becoming more and more achy. She didn't know what she wanted him to do but knew she wanted _more_.

He was trying to take his time and make her feel as special as he knew her to be. He didn't want to push her though and settled for just touching and kissing her torso, steering clear of her breasts. Even though he wanted to release them from that damn bra and suck on her nipples. Patience he reminded himself. He wanted her to be so aroused she would beg him for more.

**First big lemon next!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Yay! The first part of the lemon is here! : ) I love the reviews-thank you!**

He worked his way back up to Katniss' lips and nibbled on them. He laid back on his side facing her, still caressing her skin and looked into her eyes.

"I love you," he said with a smile on his face. "So much."

She missed his lips and hands on her body. She felt hot everywhere and wanted to ask for more but did not know what to ask for. He watched her face shift through emotions. He felt bad for denying her but didn't want to push her.

"C-can you come back?" she asked while she tried to get him to lean back over her. "Are you sure?"

She answered with a tug to his biceps, urging him to come closer. He lightly ran one finger over the swell of her breast. Her breathing picked up.

"I-I'm sorry," she said as she felt her heart rate pick up. "What for?" Peeta asked, eyes hooded with lust as he continued to explore the top of her breast.

"I m-mean they aren't very big and I know you deserve more…" he immediately cut her off with a deep kiss.

"They are perfect. I'm in love with them." She didn't look convinced so he reached behind her and suavely unhooked her bra while slowly moving the straps down. She was biting her bottom lip and it was driving him nuts. He threw her bra to the floor and looked down what he had unveiled. Two perfectly pert and round breasts with light pink nipples erect and straining towards him. If he had been hard before, he didn't know how to describe how he felt now. He was literally throbbing in his pants. He cautiously placed his hand over her right breast and squeezed lightly, then ran his finger around the outline of her nipple.

She was overcome with arousal and heat pooled down below her stomach. She watched his expression of delight and lust as he slowly explored her. Suddenly he reached down and pulled her left nipple into his mouth and sucked hard.

He hadn't been able to resist—he wanted to taste her so bad. He licked, sucked and nibbled on her breasts until they were red and wet from abuse and she was squirming and panting beneath him.

She hadn't had any idea that he didn't just want to touch her breasts but lick and suck on them. She knew later she would be covered in a blush just thinking about it.

She was pushing her hips into his trying to find some type of relief. It was killing him, but he wanted the first time to just be about her. With a loud pop he let go of the breast he was suckling on and moved his mouth down over her stomach, taking his time to re-kiss every inch of it. He loved the way she was so soft yet he could feel the small muscles underneath her skin. He ran his nose across the top of her soft sweatpants and then licked the line of the top with his tongue. The sensations were almost too much for her.

Peeta looked up at her and asked permission as he put both hands on either side of the sweat pant band. She nodded and he began to slowly remove the pants, taking care to go slow as to not alarm her. When he pulled them off all the way he looked back up at her. She was in a pair of navy underwear that matched the bra he had thrown somewhere earlier. The rims were a delicate lace. She was so beautiful laying there, almost naked but for her underwear, flushed, chest heaving and hair in disarray. And she was _his_.

He began to kiss and nibble on her from her ankles up. He worked slowly and she was practically thrashing on the bed.

"Ugh," she moaned. "Don't stop!" She knew on some level she was embarrassed by the sounds she was making, but another part of her did not care. Peeta relished the sounds she was making—Katniss was so beautiful and sexy. He made his way up to her underwear and slowly slipped his hands underneath the band at the top. Keeping his eyes on hers, she slowly pulled them down her body. Finally he looked down at her. She was perfection. Her nipples were pebbled and down beneath her flat stomach was a small patch of trimmed hair. He could see how aroused she was because she was practically dripping and was rubbing her legs together.

She was on fire—she needed something but didn't know what. She wanted Peeta, wanted him to fill something in her. She hated being unable to voice what she wanted—she was never good with words and this was such a new experience.

He continued to stare at her breathing heavily. He was overcome by the need to taste her. He wanted to worship her. Peeta kissed the inside of her thigh and slowly made his way up higher.

She was thrashing her upper body wildly all around and he had to hold her thighs down to the bed with his hands. He kissed the crease of her thigh and then suddenly he took one long lick up her slit. Her hips rocked off the bed to the ceiling and she looked down at him, horrified and turned on all at the same time. She didn't think he would put his mouth _there_.

Peeta almost came when he had his first taste—she was exquisite. He had heard his brothers talking about doing this occasionally to a girl they really liked, but he didn't know he would be so turned on by it. He couldn't get enough and continued to lick and kiss her folds, lapping at the liquid seeping out of her, checking up to her face to see what she liked and didn't like.

What he was doing felt soooo good to her and arousal soon overcame her mortification. She wove her fingers through his hair, and pushed him closer to her. He licked a bit farther up over her clit and she almost screamed. He knew he had found a sweet spot and ran his tongue in circles over and over her nub. Cautiously he lifted his hand from her thigh and moved a finger towards her entrance. He knew if she was going to be able to take him without pain he would have to prepare her. She was so small and he didn't want to hurt her. He slowly entered one finger into her and continued to lap at her clit. She tensed for a moment and then relaxed. She was so tight, unbelievably tight. He moved his finger in and out, watching her face to see what she liked.

She was overcome with pleasure. Katniss tried to watch Peeta licking between her legs but her head kept falling back to the pillow. She was hurdling towards something, the pleasure was almost unbearable, especially when he put a second finger in her. She felt her stomach muscles contract, and then, as he hit a particularly sensitive spot with his finger he sucked his clit into his mouth hard and she exploded. There was excruciating pleasure, she heard an animalistic voice, and then she was floating. As Katniss reached her orgasm Peeta continued to suck the juices that ran out of her. Seeing her come was one of the most amazing experiences of his life. As she came down off her high he slowed his mouth and finally kissed his way back up to her face.

**More to come soon! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Ok, I know it's been awhile...thank you for all of the continued reviews and encouragement-its what convinced me to keep going. This chapter is a little bit short, but the next one will be longer! Keep the reviews coming! **

She felt breathless, and she was floating, floating in a cocoon of warmth. When she could finally open her eyes and focus, Peeta was laying next to her propped up on one arm with a smug grin on his face and desire in his eyes.

"Hey…you ok there?" he said while he slowly ran the tip of his finger from her collarbone to the tip of her over sensitized nipple.

Katniss smiled almost breathlessly. "Yeah. Wow. More than ok."

Although he was throbbing in his pants, Katniss looked exhausted and Peeta didn't want to take her any farther. He lazily ran his hands over her with light touches, ecstatic she had finally allowed him to touch her. Seeing her come apart under his hands and mouth…for once his words couldn't describe his feelings.

As she came down off her high, Katniss realized that Peeta had seem very….skilled when it came to pleasuring her. It was her first orgasm…she had no idea that her body could do that. A sudden, horrible thought came to her. Had he had previous practice? On who? She had no idea how to reciprocate, and…

He watched her face change from one of contented bliss to furrowing into a small frown.

Peeta couldn't help himself, "Katniss, what's wrong? Don't over think this. Please don't regret what I just did."

She turned over to look into his eyes and squirmed. "I was just thinking about how _practiced_ you were at _that_."

Peeta fought the urge to keep the smug grin from his face and failed. He couldn't help himself and teased her a bit. "You mean making you orgasm with my hands and mouth?"

She blushed bright red and pulled the sheet up over her chest. Hearing him talk like that was so uncharacteristic, so raw and primal. And she liked it, coming from him. It was a whole new side to Peeta that was unexplored and lusty.

But then she remembered her original thoughts and was overcome with a wave of jealousy and hurt, as he had obviously practiced his skills with someone before. "You've done that before." She thought she did a good job of sounding non-accusatory.

Peeta was taken aback and then smiled down at her. "Is that why you are getting all upset?"

He didn't need verbal confirmation, her face said it all. He cupped his large hands around her face and forced her eyes to look into his. "Katniss, you are the first girl I've ever loved and the first girl I've ever touched intimately in that way. I've only ever kissed other girls. I never wanted to go farther, it never seemed right. I'm sorry if I misled you about my past—you really boosted my ego there and I was basking in it." He gave her a mischievous smile. "That was my first time pleasuring anyone besides myself."

She was dumbfounded and her eyes widened in surprise. "But, you knew what you were doing…" In a tinier voice, "I didn't even know—what you did—how did you know what to do?"

Peeta gave her a soft smile and knew what she was asking. "My brothers were not very discreet in their descriptions of what they were doing to various girls they were with. We shared a room while growing up." His look turned wistful and his eyes sad.

Katniss hurriedly answered, "Then I'm very thankful for what they told you."

Peeta gave her light kisses all over her face and snuggled her into him tightly. He ignored his still throbbing erection. He knew there would be time to take care of himself later, and he wanted this experience to be all about Katniss.

As they drifted off into a contented silence, she reflected on the events of the evening. He had literally made her body sing—she had been the girl on fire. He turned all of her insecurities away and his attentions left her so breathless and befuddled she had no more time to think of the way her body appeared to him. As the euphoria wore off she was once again plagued by the vanity she was trying to escape, but she had resisted the urge to grab her clothes and realized she liked the feeling of her bare back against his broad chest. She could feel him, lower against her backside and wanted to do to him what he had done to her but she didn't know where to start and she was so sleepy. She hoped he would be able to guide her in making him feel good after a few hours of rest. As she drifted off into a deep slumber her words from earlier echoed in her head _That was my first time pleasuring anyone besides myself_. She was so curious…

As he felt her breathing even out he tried to calm his body down. Every time he thought of Katniss' warm, soft body in his arms, _naked_, his heart sped up and he was overcome with love, adoration and want for her. He wondered if she had ever touched herself before or if that was her first time orgasming. It seemed unlikely that someone of her age had never explored themselves, but then he remembered how modest she was and how fixated on survival she had been her whole life. He almost felt guilty by how much free time he must have had growing up in comparison to her.

He knew it was cave mannish, but he liked the idea of being the one who gave her the first orgasm of her life. She had been so responsive—he wondered if that was eighteen years of sexual frustration or she was just that natural and sexual.

He wanted to explore her more and find out, and wanted to be all of her firsts. As his high of pleasuring her wore off he found himself slipping into sleep just as she had, with thoughts of further exploration together.


End file.
